So much to say....

Quick Update: My cat is not dead yet. When I wrote my last blog I was under the impression that she was going to be put to sleep the next day. Thankfully, she perked up a little bit. She will not be healed from this, but for now we are just watching her and as soon as she gets worse we will put her down. Thank you for your kind words and prayers. It was a hard week last week. I will be heartbroken when she leaves, but I think I have come to some terms of acceptance.

Tonight Drew and I went to church. Wow. We love our church. It is so alive. Anyway, the past few weeks the pastor has been preaching on Freedom from Sin, but more specifically sin that has been placed on you. How to free victims from tragedy that has attacked them through forgiveness, and what that looks like Biblically. It has been a revolutionary series in my life. I am so broken. My body feels spiritually shredded. I am exhausted. I am sick of carrying the burden of pain on my shoulders. Forgiveness is a constant choice. We have to choose to forgive people who have hurt us again, and again. Each time we are reminded of the pain we must choose to forgive. Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation though.

I struggle with this. I think everyone does. I need strength to constantly forgive. I need more prayer in my life. I need more focused "God time". I get so easily distracted.

So many times I ask God "Why?". Why did you allow this heartbreak to happen? Why did you allow my family to be so torn to pieces? Why did you allow a beautiful mother, wife, daughter, friend, and cousin to be taken so early? The answer of course is sin, but somehow I am not satisfied with that response. The message on freedom from sin has been teaching us to stop asking "why?", and start asking "what now?". Such a good point. I cannot change what has happened. I can only learn how to proceed and grow. Sometimes I hate that. I want so badly to change outcomes. But I know that God is the only being capable of changing such lives.

In the meantime, a song that has given me both pain and comfort is "Slow fade" by Casting Crowns. Their lyrics in this song are perfect. It encourages me to live a life that I want my own children to follow someday. I want so badly to be an amazing mother, but primarily a woman of God. I saw a quote a few days ago that said "I want to be the kind of woman of God that when I wake up and put my feet on the floor the devil says "Oh crap! She is up!".  AMEN. I want to be that. I have a long way to go, but in the mean time these lyrics help me stay reminded and encouraged:

Lyrics to "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns:
Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray 
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray 
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

Lucy

Today I am writing with tears filling my swollen eyes. These past 72 hours have been horrible. I went home to Atlanta to the weekend to find that my precious kitty cat Lucy was very sick. My mother warned me that she was sick, but for some reason it did not sink in until I took her to the vet on Saturday morning. She weighed only 5 pounds, which is about half of her normal weight. The doctor took some blood tests and we got the results this morning. Her kidneys are failing. She is 12 years old, so I guess this should be somewhat expected, but it was not. I was in no way prepared for this. The vet said that we could give her dialysis 3 times a week, but that it would not cure her. It would only make her last days more comfortable. Knowing this would be painful and difficult for her, he suggested we put her to sleep.

I knew from the vet's expressions on Saturday that she may not have much time left. I spent the entire weekend holding her, kissing her, spoon feeding her tuna and yogurt (her two favorite foods), and Drew suggested we take a photo shoot. I am so thankful we did that. I have some beautiful pictures of she and I.

Lucy was my absolute best friend. That may sound weird considering she was a cat, but I have had her for more than half of my life. I picked her out before she was even born from a litter of a friend's cat. I have spoiled her since she was born. I dressed her up, pushed her in a stroller, played with her outside (which she loved), played with her and her toys, and in return she was ALWAYS there for me. She saw me through childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood. She saw me have my heartbroken for the first time. She licked the tears on my cheeks and would lay on my back whenever I cried. It was her way of comforting me. If I was crying in my room, she would find me and lay right next to me. She always made me feel better. She was with me when tragedy struck my family. She was the only one I could tell all of my feelings to. She was with me through high school and when I moved to college she was always waiting for me when I came home for breaks. We were inseparable.

I think she is the most beautiful animal in the world. She has never bitten or scratched a soul. She lets babies rough house with her and she remains incredibly sweet. She always took care of me. She saw me get married and knew that Drew could take care of me now. I think that has a lot to do with her sickness taking over so quickly. I think she held on until she knew I was in good arms. Our last night in Atlanta she spent a lot of time with Drew. She sat in his lap and slept practically on him when we were sleeping. This was weird because I am normally the only person she does that to. I honestly think it was her way of telling him that she trusts him to take care of me now since her time was almost finished.

I cannot imagine life without Lucy. I am beyond heartbroken. I will never have another relationship like that. I will miss her terribly. I dread the next few hours knowing that her time on this earth is limited.

Your prayers are very much appreciated.

MB

Charlotte's Web...of Death, Destruction, and Fear

Did you grow up reading the beloved children's story of "Charlotte's Web"? I certainly did. I read the story and loved the animated movie. I used to always rent the movie at the local library. However, now that I am an adult I realize that the author lied to us all. He portrayed Charlotte as some selfless, giving spider who saved a pig's life. Yes, that is very sweet and endearing, but let me tell ya gang....spiders are the devil.

There is a spider whom I refer to as Charlotte, that lives outside and above our front door. (And no she is not a pet, we are not that pathetic!). In the daytime she is completely hidden. I have no idea where she retreats! But at night time it is a completely different story. Charlotte is out and about weaving her miraculous web above our door. I will give it to her, it is a darn good web. It is wide, symmetrical, and I am sure quite beautiful in the eyes of a spider, but to me it is a trap of death, destruction, and fear. Each night she expands her web, but she also likes to vandalize our property (this would be the destruction aspect). We have a mailbox on the bricks next to our door. It has a little metal flap that you can raise and close to conceal your mail. Charlotte loves to play tricks on us and cover the entire mailbox with web....every...single....cotton pickin' night! Every morning when I leave for work I see her web of filth on my mailbox. The poor mail man has to destroy the web just to put mail in our mailbox. I am convinced she does this because she knows it annoys me.

I am not fond of spiders. In fact, I am absolutely terrified of them. I have advanced arachnophobia. If there is a spider of reasonable size in my house and I am alone I leave. I can't even kill it myself. I start having panic attacks and feel like I am going to die. It is so frightening. So Charlotte and I don't have the greatest relationship. I dread coming and going at night because I just know that one of these days she is going to hop onto my head and stifle my breaths with her web of victory.

One positive thing about Charlotte though, she keeps other bugs away. Maybe some day she will right "The Darrs" over our door for us. If she does that, I will consider letting her stay.

Till then,

Life in the Newlywed house

Tonight was a typical night in the Darr home. It began with Drew working on homework while I cooked dinner. What did I cook you might ask? I made Drew's mom's Enchiladas. Boy are they yummy! But I made a reduced fat version using all light/fat-free ingredients. (Except on Drew's I poured on the cheese! Trying to fatten that boy up!). They were quite tasty, but they never seem to taste as good as Julie's. No, I am not only writing that to suck up, it is actually true. Maybe I have the recipe wrong, but I think it is just something about having a mom cook dinner for you that makes it taste better. Maybe someday when we have kids my cooking will improve.

Moving on...

After that Drew did the dishes and then returned to his homework while I proceeded to catch up on chick-flicks on our movie channels. Tonight was Sex and the City. While I do not condone the behaviors or the content of the movie, I do appreciate the friendship of the ladies and of course, the AMAZING costumes. Fabulous. After watching this movie I wanted an immediate make-over. I have been craving a re-invention of my style for a few weeks now. I feel awkward. My summer clothes are too summery, yet I have no fall clothes since I have been residing in Palm Beach the past 4 years. I did manage to pick up two fall numbers at T.J. Max in Indianapolis this past weekend. I love T.J. Max and we do not have one here or within 60 miles. Major bummer. Anyway, more on my makeover later.

After my movie was over, Drew wanted a break from his homework, so we did what we always do: Busted out the Rummikub. Oh how I love and hate this game all at the same time. Drew typically wins. I typically lose. And then I get frustrated and make Drew pick up the game. We play this probably on average 3-5 times a week. Sometimes more if it is a really slow week. I would love to say that tonight I won, but of course that is laughable because Drew won, yet again.

After my defeat, my confidence was even lower than before we played the game. So I said to myself (and to Drew) "By Ned! I'ma give myself a haircut. Right now!". Now folks, Drew put up a good fight. He hid the scissors, he asked me what Future Mary would say to Impulsive Mary about this idea. But both Future Mary and Impulsive Mary decided the time had come and with two snips I gave myself side-bangs. Nice. Real Nice. But I was left unsatisfied. I needed more. So one giant snip later my hair was about 4 inches shorter on the left. I felt invigorated. I cut the other side. Then I cut the back. Finally I paraded my new "do" to Drew and waved the four-inch wad of hair in his face as if it were a huge fan.

We all new this new "married-woman" haircut was coming. It was just a matter of time and money. In the end this cost me very little time and money. So I say "Job well done Mary!".

Ahh...what we do to pinch the pennys.

For now,

Funny Story Gang

Well gang, I got a job today! Oh life has a funny sense of humor (rather the Lord). The job that I was "too professional" for hired me today. Mary (the manager) called me and asked if I was still interested in the job. I said "of course" and then went down to the store for a drug test. When I arrived Mary asked me if I had heard back from any other applications yet, I said no, and said that I was thankful to have this job, because student loans were around the corner. I think she still expects for me to call in before my first shift and say I was hired somewhere else! (Which, trust me, I would if that happened).

Anyway, for now I am thankful. It is a part-time job in a retail shop, but at least it is something. It is a bit of extra cash to help pay for loans.

Onto other news....our dear friend Brett is coming to visit tonight with his lovely girlfriend! We are so excited! We can't wait to see Brett and meet Emily!

As always,

To Be Too Qualified, or Under-qualified? That is the Question!

Yesterday, as you may know if you follow me on Facebook, I had an interview. Out of probably around 40+ applications that I have filled out I finally got 1 call back. I was called back for an interview by a local store that sells all things Saluki. Saluki T-shirts, baseball caps, shot glasses, quilts,---you name it, they sell it! I went in yesterday afternoon for my scheduled interview with a lady named Mary. When I introduced myself as Mary Beth, she asked if that was my first name or a combo of my first and middle. So I went through my whole explanation of "first name in combination with shortened middle name, but I am southern so it becomes one name" so on and so forth. Then she proceeded to tell me that her middle name was Beth, but she hated it when people called her Mary Beth, because she hated that name and thought it was ugly. (Score 3 points on the awkward comments). Anyway, she looked at me, then at my resume, then back at me and laughingly said "You are just REAL professional". Mind you I was dressed up for a job interview, but I was by no means wearing a suit. I had on black slacks, a white button up sleeveless shirt, and a 3/4 length coral cardigan. Then she went on to ask me why I applied for a job at "THIS store" (her emphasis on "this"). I told her that I have applied to a ton of places, but the job market is nasty and this is the first place that has called me back. Then she told me to apply to some hospitals because I was over-qualified for this job. "Can't you get nothin' else with your Bachelor's degree? Don't it all transfer to Illinois?". I just almost laughed. Yes, my thoughts exactly. $80,000 dollars later I have a degree that over-qualifies me for minimum-wage work, but underqualifies me for everything else! (And yes, it does all transfer to Illinois). So I ask you: What is better? Being rejected for being over-qualified or being rejected for being under-qualified? Heck if I know. It's like the story of Goldilocks applied to the American job market.

It's not like my dreams were crushed by not getting this job, but it would be nice to have some income and something to do. In the meantime I shall continue to stretch my creative money-making schemes for all they are worth. Currently I am selling text books from my $80,000 education on Half.com and working for Allaboutyall.com designing custom planners. So, if you by chance need a completely personalized planner made specifically to your liking, just send a message my way!

Much Love,

To the Sweetest Lil' Old Couple in Carbondale

A few days ago Drew and I posted on Craigslist that we wanted a full mattress and box springs set that was in good condition for under $100. (We have some friends coming in this weekend for a night, so we wanted a place for them to sleep in our guest bedroom). Within about an hour of our post we recieved an email that said "we have a full mattress in great condition! Call us!", so I made Drew call them. (Hey, you never know what kind of freak Craigslist puts you in contact with). Drew hung up the phone and told me he talked to the sweetest couple ever. They said they wanted to get rid of the full because they got a bigger bed, but only wanted $30 for the mattress, box springs, headboard, (any or all of it) and that they would "warsh some sheets too" if we wanted those! I laughed and then said SOLD. (Please, you can't even buy an air mattress for $30 anymore folks!). So today we ventured over there...

There home was only about 20 minutes away, but in Carbondale, that is a day trip. It was a beautiful drive though! We were surrounded by rolling hills of farmland, with corn, silos, and cows. We pulled up to their adorable little double-wide and were greeted by the two sweetest people. They helped us move the mattress and box springs, gave us a bed frame,  and asked if there was any other furniture we needed or wanted. Their home smelled lovely and I commented on it and the lady told me that they have a candle business and that I was smelling their candles. I proceeded to say how wonderful they smelled and how much I love candles. She immediately asked me what were my favorite scents and I said "Cinnamon, fall harvest, and vanilla". It was not 5 minutes later that she came outside with a gift bag full of three candles: cinnamon, fall harvest, and vanilla. They were beautiful and smelled SO GOOD! I was so grateful. After that they invited us back to their home anytime for a visit and wanted to introduce us to their kids who are around our ages. We said our good-byes and parted and as we were pulling out of the driveway the lady yelled "you kids be safe and be careful! Bye!". They were just adorable!

So to the Sweetest Lil' Old Couple in Carbondale:

Thank you for giving us a great mattress and candles! Thank you for being so kind and welcoming. You made us feel at home in this strange town and reminded us that there are still really kind people in this world. Thank you for making our day so good and thank you for making the lives of others so good. We hope to be just as kind to strangers as you were!

Love, 

Pillow Crisis

It's Mary here! One of these days Drew is going to write something, but for now it's just me.

 I am in a bit of a predicament. You see, I am having a pillow crisis. Yes, that is correct a "dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life" (thank you dictionary.com) which in my case surrounds my relationship with my pillow. Back when I was a single person I would sleep in my bed surrounded by 3 to 8 pillows depending on the night. I always had one thick, yet plush pillow for support. On top or next to that (depending on my mood) was a fluffy feather pillow with little support, but lots of comfort. Finally there was either a large body pillow or several standard pillows on my side for comfort and stability. I liked being able to roll over and have another pillow section to lounge on if desired. If you know me, you know I take great pride in my bed. I have a pillowtop mattress, with memory foam, and a feather topper. Needless to say I like a soft bed. My roommates in college used to nap in my bed because it was so cozy.

 Getting back to my crisis..... Now that I am married I have Drew in my bed---not a pillow, not even close to a pillow. And of course, he does not like sleeping with more than one pillow. "What happened to all the pillows you used in college?" you might ask. Unfortunately all of my pillows from college were donated because I could not pack them in my car. This is a sad tale, because after 4 years your head gets used to specific pillows. All I have now (all that I could cram into the nooks of my car) was my soft, yet supportless feather pillow. Some nights I sleep with this pillow, some nights I throw the pillow across the room and sleep without any pillow. Other nights I use my arm, but you see, I need a new pillow! Or at least an additional pillow. All the decorative pillows we have on our bed are hard as rocks so those are not options. I have yet to find a pillow that I can afford that solves my pillow crisis. They are too hard, too thick, too thin, not soft enough, too soft, too much support, not enough support. Oh when will this crisis end! ;)

Pillow Searching,

The First 74 Days of Marriage

Hello from Carbondale! Where the heck is Carbondale you might ask? Well, it is squished two hours between Northern Kentucky and two hours between St. Louis, Missouri. Population: 46,000 (when the university of 25,000 is IN session, half of that when it is not). Yeah, needless to say it is a HUGE jump from Palm Beach, Orlando, or Atlanta. We have an adorable apartment though and if you have not seen pictures yet, you should! Go here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2071858&id=1126080047
Regardless we have a guest bedroom and YOU need to come stay with us! What is there to do in Carbondale you ask? Well, there is a Wal-Mart (praise the Lord!), a small mall, some winerys, and some beautiful lakes that we have not fully explored yet. Oh and thank you for all of your prayers, they are building a Chili's! Woo hoo!! (It was slim pickins before this news kids). So really, why NOT come? Perhaps there is no beach, no Disney World, and no Brave's Stadium, but there is Mary & Drew!

Moving right along...

We are still on the high of our wedding. Wow! What an awesome celebration! I don't know about y'all, but we had a blast! Thanks for coming if you came and we hope you had a great time too! After our wedding we went on a 9 day honeymoon to Breckenridge, Colorado where there was still snow on the mountains! It was beautiful! The weather was a sunny 75 degrees every day! We hiked a little bit, swam in our resorts pools, explored the nearby towns, saw Toy Story 3, shopped at cute local stores, and ate some amazing local food. It was a wonderful and relaxing vacation and we want to go on another honeymoon already!

After that began Mary & Drew's whirlwind roadtrip of a lifetime! Try to follow me here: We returned to Atlanta for 3 days, drove to Orlando for 3 days, back to ATL for 1 night, left for Dallas, TX the next morning for 10 days, drove to Conway, AR for 3 days, back to Atl for 4 days, drove to Carbondale, IL for 2 days, back to ATL for 5 days, drove back to Orlando for 3 more days, and eventually returned to ATL for a week before we had to move to Carbondale. Wow. We am STILL tired from that trip. Anybody else? Gheesh! But it was a lot of fun! Now keep in mind, on the last day of our honeymoon Drew was accepted into Southern Illinois University (Carbondale) when we were planning on moving to Dallas (hence the trip to Dallas). I (Mary) had my heart set on Dallas! Big hair, big diamonds, all things Texan, but after visiting UD we realized that the school was definitely not the best place for us, and SIU offered Drew an incredible deal that we simply could not refuse. So here we are!

Since then, Drew has been teaching 2 freshman composition classes at SIU and taking graduate classes for his Masters in English. He is loving teaching and it is def. his calling. I have yet to hear my own calling. :( I have applied to roughly 30 places so far in Carbondale and in nearby towns with not so much as one bite. Very sad. Very sad indeed. So please keep praying for some type of job for me. It is a very discouraging job market in Illinois right now. Boy do I miss college right now! Too bad I start paying for it in about 2 months. See, THIS is why I need a job. Anything!

Well, please keep us up-to-date on your own life! We miss you and love you all!

Carbondale Wishes and Champagne Dreams!